Monday, July 1, 2013

Hooker Makeup

This weekend we had several exciting events that were great reasons to come into the city and see our family. The weekend isn't even over yet is over since I started this on Saturday whilst staying up late and playing dr/nurse with my wonderful husband. Riker has a mild concussion and what started as an awesome goose egg above his eye is now just a bruising.

He has a pretty great shiner that he told me makes him look like he's wearing hooker makeup. Then he made a kissy face. 

 The story goes like this:

We headed up to Roy to celebrate my cousin's birthdays at a water slide park. We were pretty excited but Riker kept saying he wasn't sure if he actually wanted to get into the water but since I was going to he decided he would too. We arrived, changed, and grabbed a water slide mat and headed to the top of the slides. It's a small park with only 3 slides and a couple things for younger kids. My aunt and uncle had reserved the park for the birthday party so there weren't any lines. When we reached the top we bypassed the "Minnow" and the "Octopus" and went straight for the "Barracuda". Two people went ahead of me and I had only one thing in mind, "I want to go fast". Less than a quarter of the way through it I thought that that was a mistake.

With what I weigh and the slide being made for little kids, I kept thinking that I was literally going to fly over the edge. I've had that experience before when riding other slides but this time was different. I decided sitting up would be best but right as I was going to I realized there was a tunnel. I had to lie back again and by the time I hit the bottom I had swallowed more chlorinated water than I cared to and was still shaking the water from my face when I heard everyone say, "Oh! Look at Riker!"

I turned around in time to see Riker face down with his mat on top of him sliding down the last 20 feet of the slide. As he slid into the water it was like watching a rag doll. We all kind of laughed thinking he was just being silly. That lasted all of .5 seconds before we realized he was unconscious and it was likely he could drown if we didn't act fast.

He's pretty dazed but look at his smolder! Yeah, it is enhanced
because it's slightly swollen but... SWOON.
He had hit his head on the tunnel that I had narrowly missed and as he hit the next curve the force of it caused him to flip over (he was already unconscious). My uncle, one other guy, and I all got him up and they pulled him onto the side of the pool. He kept trying to stand up and we kept trying to tell him no and keep him down. When was finally able to stand the lifeguard FINALLY came over. This where it went from scary to funny. As the lifeguard questioned him he told him that he was 22 years old (he's 24) and while he didn't tell the guy this, he thought he was back in Montana. The lifeguard didn't bother to verify anything with me, his wife, but just believed everything that the guy with only one usable eye was telling him.
These pictures don't even do it justice! It got worse
before it got better. I wish my camera had taken better
pictures of his Hooker Makeup but they didn't...

Now that time has passed, there are several other funny things that Riker had to say.

1. He knew who I was when we pulled him out and he sat down and I held his hand but the second I left to go get the camera (I feel like a bad wife for taking pictures) he forgot which of the women present were his wife. I can't tell you how he figured out who was his wife but let's just say it was a physical feature located below my chin and above my belly button. What a guy.

2. He was REALLY impressed with how well Scouts prepared him for what he would need to do in this kind of situation. He probably told me that around no less than 100 times. He still is impressed but less emphatically so.

3. He kept telling me funny things (which he's asked me not to repeat due to them being about other people [nothing rude he's just embarrassed!]) and it made me laugh so hard.

4. He kept performing the concussion tests on himself over and over and over. I checked his pupils so many times I could practically tell you how many flecks of that pretty green color are in his eyes. (Which is probably cheating since I look at them so often anyway.)

5. He refused to go to the hospital and I'm not sure if I should take him still.

6. I called and complained to the manager of the place about how things were handled and he was appalled and plans on having a "very serious chat" with that dumb lifeguard. It still chaps my behind to think about him.

Please, someone, give me some advice on whether I should take him in! It's almost a full 2 days later, he doesn't have any memory loss (minus when he was unconscious), no nausea, or anything other than a headache and a lovely black eye that makes him look like he's wearing hooker makeup on it.

Do I take him in?