Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Hollaback Girl, I ain't.

I have a bit of pent up...anger, if you will, that I will share today. I don't like to gripe and complain (on the internet) about my life and job and such but today I am making an exception. 

I currently HATE my job. 
I work in the Engineering Department and there is nothing wrong with the department....necessarily.
Except I feel like this:

(I use a lot of Friends references)
Whatever do I mean? I mean I feel like the lady lying on the couch and everyone telling me that I'm unhappy because I wanta dinkle. You see I work in a department of ALL guys and I work in a basement by myself all day erry day. My interactions with humans face to face is limited to 99% of the time just these... "men". 

And then something happens to change that all. 

It happened one day while I was sitting at my desk...working...or something. Anyway, one of the guys comes in and needs help with something AGAIN. I have shown him no less than 50 times in the past two weeks, and that is no exaggeration! I try to breathe calmly so I don't lose my temper and our conversation goes like this:

Me: Ok, well show me what work orders it is and I'll pull them up on my computer and see what's up.

Him (edging closer and closer): Ok, #3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,..........20, 21
[that was slightly exaggerating: it is usually only about 5. A day.]

Me: Ok, I don't see anything wrong with them. What is it showing on your iPod?

Him (suddenly breathing down my neck): Well, look! I can't find them. And I swear I didn't do anything to them. They should be here. See look I have a list with the numbers that should be here. Look. 

Me: Yeah, I see it (straining my eyes to see it from 3 inches in front of my nose) I also am showing that there is nothing wrong with any of them on the computer. Try to hotsync it again and maybe they'll show. 

Him: Well, there is something wrong! They aren't here! LOOK.

Me: Yeah, I looked, I'm sorry they aren't there. Try to hotsync again and maybe then they'll show. 

Him: Well, this stupid thing is just broken. 

Me: Ok, I'm sorry I can't come up with any other solutions so maybe if you just can hotsync again and then we can see. You do have over a hundred work orders on there so it might just have gotten lost in the mix.

Him: (Gives me a dirty look and says, "Hey! Can you help me?" to our boss as he walks in)

Me: (in my head) Awesome now I look incompetent. 

Our Boss: Well, maybe try hotsyncing and it might work. 

Him: Ok, I'll give that a try. Hopefully it works. I asked Chelsea and she said she didn't know. 

My face was probably purple at this point but I swallowed my pride and didn't say anything. Until...

The next day:

The scene--I'm at my desk and ANOTHER employee walks in.
Him: Hey, Boss not in? 
Me: No, not yet, sorry. Can I help you?
Him: Oh, nah. (Starts to walk off and pauses) So, uh, I heard you had a talk with So and So yesterday....He told me and the guys about it.
[remember the AND THE GUYS part]

Me: I did? Oh, well he had some work order problems but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. 

Him: He said you accused him of not doing his work and attacked him for the number of work orders he had. 

[klajsdofinadlgauogtinasdlfiualfdkgnads HUH?]

Him: Anyway, I was just thinking that you could, I don't know, maybe be a little nicer to him and tell him what a good job he does so he doesn't feel so down. 

This is what happened next:

Maybe I sound like a baby when I say this, but after TWO FREAKING DAYS of guys (all OVER the age of 40) coming to tell me that all these other guys were complaining and trash talking me I finally went to my Boss. 

And now, I sit in my office all day alone. And never see anyone. Which I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing. 
What is not good is that I'm "On Probation" because I've had to miss on average 2 days a pay period because of fibro flare days....

But let it be known. I ain't no hollaback girl! And if I weren't on probation I probably would have had some choice words with my 12 year old girl coworkers. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

An embarrassing story

Yesterday was Riker's birthday and I can't resist talking about him. And especially can't resist telling something embarrassing.

When we were dating we would go on drives a lot to go hiking or to lakes or anywhere that wasn't the city to keep our sanity. One night it was rather late and of course I was riding in the middle seat of his pick-up right next to him. We were dating so I'm sure you can assume that we were kissing and giggling and being in love. This is what happened:

Me: Riker (giggle) stop! Pay attention the road!

Riker: (Also giggling but in a manly way of course) What? I just love you! And I'm good at driving and I'm going under the speed limit. C'mon! Let me kiss you!

Me: (giggle giggle giggle) Ok, fine!

Suddenly...yep, red and blue flashing lights.

Me: Oh my gosh! I told you to watch the road!

The officer then slowly approached the truck.

Officer: Excuse me, son, do you know why I pulled you over? (simultaneously blinding us with his flashlight)

Riker: Uh, well....Was I weaving a little?

Officer: Yeah...kind of all over. I will need your license and registration.

Riker: Chels, can you get it out of the glove box?

Me: Sure (as I open the glove box a big fat hunting knife awkwardly falls out and I masterfully hide it under some papers)

Meanwhile, Riker is showing him his license and we are both pretty convinced that the only reason he didn't ask Riker to get out and take a sobriety test (we were both still giggling in love...) was because we are in Utah and he saw Riker's temple recommend that he so conveniently flashed to the officer.

We got off with a verbal warning but I still like to mention it. A lot. And now everyone else who knows him can also mention it. ;)

The whole reason behind this story is because I found this song today and laughed the whole time. Enjoy!

Hopefully it worked! (if not, it's Easton Corbin singing All Over the Road) And it is really just for the lyrics.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A look back: Why Boys Suck

This is a post I had on my old blog that I was looking at today. What's great about this post is that it was written a few days before I met the man I married. I added one last one because I had a date the night before my first date with Riker that was at the top of my horrible list. It sure has been horrifyingly fun to look back at what my life was like before I finally found my Knight in shining armor. 

"Yes, I am still alive. It's been quite sometime but I'm still here. And I'm about to do something I did not think I ever would for fear that people mentioned may find and read this. However, said people aren't really important in my life so I'm doing it anyway.

This is a post to almost all the boys I've dated and the stupid stuff they've done to me. I hope you can laugh about them like I have and if you happen to be one of the offenders...I'm not looking for an apology and I'm definitely not hung up on you [and I hope you've grown from the experience and if not can learn a little something today!]

STUPID THINGS BOYS SHOULD NEVER DO [the following are all true experiences with the least amount of exaggeration added and definitely not in chronological order.]

1. Don't buy me an ID bracelet. I know my name. Just a cute piece of jewelry without my name on it is fine.

2. Don't ask me on a date to a fancy restaurant, break your arm the day before, make me cut up all your food for you PLUS carry your dessert from the buffet and then ask me to pay.

3. Don't be talking to me, bring up something personal, and then say, "Oh actually my girlfriend is here right now and I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now. Want to come over around 11 or so tonight?"

4. Don't blow a raspberry on my neck. Or try to on my stomach. Or my foot. I AM NOT 3.

5. Don't tell my friends that while you don't believe I will be good at something you still think I need to do it because I need to learn to be an adult and grow up. You tried to blow a raspberry on my stomach!

6. Don't tell me that you've received revelation that I need to go on a mission. (MORE THAN ONE BOY!)

7. Don't date me off and on for several months and then show up to church with your girlfriend and make ME sit next to her and answer the awkward question of, "so how do you know these guys?"

8. Don't ask me for help filling out scholarships and reading your poorly written essays, kiss me, tell me I'm wonderful and then inform me that you'd ask your girlfriend (now wife) but she isn't exactly the smartest.

9. Don't take me on a date and tell me beforehand that the last girl you took here was in better shape than me and you aren't sure if I'll be able to make it all the way.

10. Don't hint at getting my number repeatedly, steal my phone and put it in with any of the synonyms for "Stud" or "Hunk" and then introduce me to your fiance later that evening.

11. Don't take me to a family get together, insist I be in the family photo for the blog and then grab my butt as the picture is being taken.

12. Don't date me off and on for several months and then later inform me that you, "Never actually had any feelings" for me.

13. Don't call me a B***h and then say you only call me that because you love me.

14. Don't get gum stuck in my hair while we're watching a movie and then not tell me! Do you know how hard it was to get out!?

15. Don't take me to "the most redneck restaurant I could find" because I wear cowboy boots and grew up in a small town.

16. Don't squeeze my side and say, "Vending machines?"

17. Don't tell me I've been having trouble getting dates because, "Well, it's hard to get dates when you aren't pretty. I'm sure you can find something else to try and make up for it. Maybe you should wear lower cut shirts."

18. Don't ask if I lost all the weight out of my boobs when you haven't seen me in a while and I'm skinnier.

19. Don't dump me and in the same minute ask me where I'd like to be married.

20. Don't text me the day after you've told me that you never had feelings for me and ask how I am and other questions about my personal life. Once you've told someone you not only don't have feelings for them but NEVER did, you aren't privy to their personal life.

There are so many more but I'm tired of reliving my horrific dating life. Does anyone else have anything horrible a guy said or did to you? Please share so I don't feel like I'm the only "Tool Magnet!"

Love, Chelsea"

 And the final date I went on before I never had to go on a date with another boy besides Riker:

21. Don't take me out on a date that lasts from 6 pm to 1 am where you proceed to tell me about how your "mommy is rooting for us to hookup", try to climb in my lap while we are watching a movie in the theater (which I can't watch to this day because it reminds me of this date!), tell me how you just "really really want to get some" because it's been "more than a year since my last date" and even longer since you last made out with anyone. (But hey! Congrats on getting married, Big Guy. Hope you are "getting some" now from your poor wife.)

Needless to say I went home in tears of disgust and frustration over that one. 

I have to say that I am so lucky to be married to the man I am married to. He definitely gets a gold star.