This is a post I had on my old blog that I was looking at today. What's great about this post is that it was written a few days before I met the man I married. I added one last one because I had a date the night before my first date with Riker that was at the top of my horrible list. It sure has been horrifyingly fun to look back at what my life was like before I finally found my Knight in shining armor.
"Yes, I am still alive. It's been quite sometime but I'm still
here. And I'm about to do something I did not think I ever would for fear that
people mentioned may find and read this. However, said people aren't really
important in my life so I'm doing it anyway.
This is a post to
almost all the boys I've dated and the stupid stuff they've done to me. I hope
you can laugh about them like I have and if you happen to be one of the
offenders...I'm not looking for an apology and I'm definitely not hung up on
you [and I hope you've grown from the experience and if not can learn a little
something today!]
STUPID THINGS BOYS
SHOULD NEVER DO [the following are all true experiences with the least amount
of exaggeration added and definitely not in chronological order.]
1. Don't buy me an ID bracelet. I know my
name. Just a cute piece of jewelry without my name on it is fine.
2. Don't ask me on a date to a fancy
restaurant, break your arm the day before, make me cut up all your food for you
PLUS carry your dessert from the buffet and then ask me to pay.
3. Don't be talking to me, bring up
something personal, and then say, "Oh actually my girlfriend is here right
now and I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now. Want to come over
around 11 or so tonight?"
4. Don't blow a raspberry on my neck. Or
try to on my stomach. Or my foot. I AM NOT 3.
5. Don't tell my friends that while you
don't believe I will be good at something you still think I need to do it
because I need to learn to be an adult and grow up. You tried to blow a
raspberry on my stomach!
6. Don't tell me that you've received
revelation that I need to go on a mission. (MORE THAN ONE BOY!)
7. Don't date me off and on for several
months and then show up to church with your girlfriend and make ME sit next to
her and answer the awkward question of, "so how do you know these
guys?"
8. Don't ask me for help filling out
scholarships and reading your poorly written essays, kiss me, tell me I'm
wonderful and then inform me that you'd ask your girlfriend (now wife) but she
isn't exactly the smartest.
9. Don't take me on a date and tell me
beforehand that the last girl you took here was in better shape than me and you
aren't sure if I'll be able to make it all the way.
10. Don't hint at getting my number
repeatedly, steal my phone and put it in with any of the synonyms for
"Stud" or "Hunk" and then introduce me to your fiance later
that evening.
11. Don't take me to a family get
together, insist I be in the family photo for the blog and then grab my butt as
the picture is being taken.
12. Don't date me off and on for several
months and then later inform me that you, "Never actually had any
feelings" for me.
13. Don't call me a B***h and then say you
only call me that because you love me.
14. Don't get gum stuck in my hair while
we're watching a movie and then not tell me! Do you know how hard it was to get
out!?
15. Don't take me to "the most
redneck restaurant I could find" because I wear cowboy boots and grew up
in a small town.
16. Don't squeeze my side and say,
"Vending machines?"
17. Don't tell me I've been having trouble
getting dates because, "Well, it's hard to get dates when you aren't
pretty. I'm sure you can find something else to try and make up for it. Maybe
you should wear lower cut shirts."
18. Don't ask if I lost all the weight out
of my boobs when you haven't seen me in a while and I'm skinnier.
19. Don't dump me and in the same minute
ask me where I'd like to be married.
20. Don't text me the day after you've told
me that you never had feelings for me and ask how I am and other questions
about my personal life. Once you've told someone you not only don't have
feelings for them but NEVER did, you aren't privy to their personal life.
There are so many
more but I'm tired of reliving my horrific dating life. Does anyone else have
anything horrible a guy said or did to you? Please share so I don't feel like
I'm the only "Tool Magnet!"
Love, Chelsea"
And the final date I went on before I never had to go on a date with another boy besides Riker:
21. Don't take me out on a date that lasts from 6 pm to 1 am where you proceed to tell me about how your "mommy is rooting for us to hookup", try to climb in my lap while we are watching a movie in the theater (which I can't watch to this day because it reminds me of this date!), tell me how you just "really really want to get some" because it's been "more than a year since my last date" and even longer since you last made out with anyone. (But hey! Congrats on getting married, Big Guy. Hope you are "getting some" now from your poor wife.)
Needless to say I went home in tears of disgust and frustration over that one.
I have to say that I am so lucky to be married to the man I am married to. He definitely gets a gold star.
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